Dr, Syntax at Covent Garden Theatre
"Twas Shakespeare's
— but in masquerade!
I’ve seen a farce, I
scarce know what
'Twas only fit to be
forgot.
I’ve seen a critic, and
have heard
The string of nonsense
he preferred.
Heaven bless me! where
has Learning fled?
Where has she hid her
sacred head?
Oh, how degraded is she
grown,
To spawn such boobies on
the town!"...
"Well,” said my
Lord, when he appear'd,
“I hope the play your
spirits cheerd;
Falstaff, the morning
critics tell,
Was never surely play'd
so well”
"These
critics," Syntax smiling said,
“Are wretched bunglers
at their trade;
One sat beside me in the
pit.
No more a critic than a
wit!...
They engage in a long discussion of the theatre and critics until
they get back to the subject of Dr. Syntax’s book. Anyone
familiar with publishing will enjoy the remarks of the publisher Vellum:
To talk about the
Doctor's book.
He said, “Twas true, a
learned friend
The manuscript did much
commend;
He thinks it is a work
of merit.
Written with learning,
taste, and spirit;
The sketches too, if he
don't err.
Possess appropriate
character;
'Tis to the humour of
our age.
And has your Lordship's
patronage;
I therefore wish the
work to buy.
And deal with liberality.
'Tis true that paper's
very dear,
And workmen's wages most
severe:
The volume's heavy, and
demands
Th' engraver's with the
printer's hands;
Besides, there is a risk
to run;
Before the press its
work has done.
New taxes may, perhaps,
be laid
On some prime article of
trade.
And then the price will
be so high; —
The persons are but few
who buy
Books of so very costly
kind;
But still the work is to
my mind:
I’ll try my luck, and
will be bound
To give, my Lord, three
hundred pound."
The bargain was
completely made —
The work transferr'd,
the money paid.
"Tho'," said
my Lord, “I think your gains
By no means equal to
your pains:
(For Vellum will a
bargain drive
As well as any man
alive;)
The work must give my friend
a name,
And stamp his literary
fame;
'Twill Paternoster Row
command,
And keep old Vellum
cap-in-hand;
And when a name is up, ‘tis
said
The owner may lay snug
in bed. -
Write on — the learned
track pursue —
And booksellers shall
cringe to you."
"Much pass'd upon
his Lordship's part,
Which shew'd the
goodness of his heart;:
While Syntax made his
full replies,
Not with his tongue —
but with his eyes.
Dr. Syntax will indeed be a published author! Music to his ears.
Selections from Canto 25
My Lord retir'd--the Doctor too,
As he had nothing else
to do,
Thought he would take a
peep and see
His noble Patron's
library.
So down he sat, without
a care,
In a well-stuff'd
morocco chair.
And seiz'd a book; but
Morpheus shed
The poppies o'er his
rev'rend head;
While Fancy would not be
behind.
So play'd her tricks
within his mind.
And furnish'd a most
busy dream,
Which Syntax made his
pleasant theme. .
The Doctor's Dream
When he awakes, he tells My Lord about the dream…
And time pass'd on in
pleasant prate.
Till night broke up the
tete-a-tete.
Selections from Canto 26
CROWN'D with success,
the following day
The Doctor homeward took
his way;
And on the 'morrow he
again
Was borne by Grizzle
o'er the plain; …
To say,) a letter had
been wrote.
To tell how soon he
should appear.
And re-embrace his
dearest dear;
But not one solitary
word
Of his good fortune he
preferred.
So when he arrives at home, his wife is hardly glad to see him,
thinking him a failure.
'Twas thus he thought,
when, at the gate.
He saw his Doll
impatient wait;
Nor, as he pass'd the
street along.
Was he unnotic'd by the
throng;
For not a head within a
shop
But did through door or
window pop.
He kiss'd his dame, and
gravely spoke.
As now he brooded o'er a
joke
While she to know,
impatient bum'd,
With how much money he
retum'd.
" Give me my
pipe," he said, " and ale,
And in due time you’ll
hear the tale."
He sat him down his pipe
to smoke,
Look'd sad, and not a
word he spoke;
But Madam soon her
speech began.
And in discordant tones
it ran: —
"I think, by that
confounded look.
You have not writ your
boasted book;
Yes, all your money you
have spent,
And come back poorer
than you went;
Yes, you have wander'd
far from home.
And here a beggar you
are come…
And the delighted Doctor
rated.
From a small pocket in
his coat,
He unobserv'd drew forth
a note,
And throwing it upon the
table.
He said, "My dear,
you'll now be able
To keep your
mantua-maker quiet;
So cease, I beg, this
idle riot:
And, if you'll not make
such a pother,
I'll treat you with its
very brother:
Be kind — and I'll not
think it much
To shew you half-a-dozen
such."
Doctor Syntax Returned From His Tour
She started up in joy's
alarms.
And clasp'd the Doctor
in her arms;
Then ran to bid the boys
huzisa,
And gave them all a
holiday.
"Such is the
matrimonial life,"
Said Syntax ; —
"but I love my wife.
Just now with horsewhip
I was bother'd;
And now with hugging I
am smother'd;
But wheresoe’er I’m
doom'd to roam,
I still shall say—that
home is home…
With the appointed
haslet came:
When Syntax, having
bless'd the meat,
Sat down to the
luxuriant treat.
"And now," he
said, "my dear, 'twill be
As good as Burgundy to
me.
If you will tell me what
has pass'd
Since we embrac'd each
other last'
“ Oh," she replied,
" my dearest love,
Things in their usual
order move….
Ne'er look'd so handsome
in her life.
Her voice he thought
grown wond'rous sweet;
To him a most uncommon
treat…
The world to wealth is
ever kind ;
For lo ! a certain
tell-tale dame,
Yclep'd and known as
Mistress Fame,
Had told to all the
country round.
That Syntax, for a
thousand pound.
Had sold a learned book
he wrote;
That now he was a man of
note. …
A packet came, and from
a friend,
From 'Squire Worthy, who
resides
On Keswick's bold and
woody sides. …
And I have nam'd you in
his stead.
I often wish'd his neck
he'd break.
Or tumble drunk into the
Lake...
And to this church
you're now preferred…
You, Sir, may make the
living clear
Above three hundred
pounds a year;
And if you will but
condescend
To my Son's learning to
attend;
If you'll direct his
studious hour,
I'll add some fifty
pounds or more:
Nay, soon we hope that
you will cheer
The parish with your
presence here
Miss Worthy and her
sister join
Their kindest
compliments to mine;
And to your prayers I
recommend
Your faithful and
admiring friend,
Jonathan Worthy."
The Doctor and his
spouse departed:
And as they journey'd on
their way. …
Syntax his sacred structure
sees.
Whose tow’r appeared in
ancient pride.
With the warm vic'rage
by its side.
“ At length, dear
wife," he said, " we're come
To our appointed
tranquil home."
Doctor Syntax Taking Possession of His Living
...Syntax, whom all desir'd to please,
Enjoy'd his hours of learned ease;
Nor did he fail to preach and pray,
To brighter worlds to point the way;
While his dear spouse was never seen
To shew ill-nature or the spleen;
And faithful Grizzle now no more
Or drew a chaise, or rider bore.
Thus the good Parson, Horse, and Wife,
Led a most comfortable life.
The End
Note that the Horse is mentioned before the Wife in the conclusion...author William Combe always went for the rhyme!!!.